1. Introduction
[1.1] When I was fifteen years old (note 1), I purchased a wig online for my first costume. Alone at home one evening, I tried it on; the difference was shocking and exciting, and I marveled at the change. As I stared into the mirror, I wondered: What else could I do to look different? My familiarity with the art of cosplay from online spaces meant that I had some knowledge of the techniques and makeup that cosplayers used, so my second act of exploration was to change my presentation through that medium by giving myself a beard. Carefully, waiting until the house was empty, I applied mascara and eyeshadow to my chin to build up the illusion of hair, and for good measure, I darkened my eyebrows and shaded my cheekbones. This minor illusion was my earliest attempt at gender expression and control over my appearance. I was delighted by the process, taking photos, posing, and practicing expressions. I would often return to look at those photos, unsure of why I was so moved by the process, but one thing I recognized was the euphoria it created.
[1.2] As video games have the capacity for character creation, so does real life. These two spaces come together through cosplay of video game characters. Cosplay—a portmanteau of costume and play—is the act of dressing and behaving as a particular character for the purpose of entertainment (Lamerichs 2011; Nichols 2019; Tompkins 2019). Examining the performance of gender gives space to explore how video game cosplay offers a direct method of gender exploration and experimentation. This performance leads to a discussion on performativity, which refers to how the cosplayer performs actions, both conscious and subconscious, that expose their gender presentation to those that see them (Butler 1988). Cosplay allows for experimentation with regard to finding how best to represent a character, with people dressing outside of their gender identity at a notable rate. Many cosplayers use the practice to explore various aspects of their identity and self-expression, and it can become a source of empowerment and self-confidence for many of its participants (Nichols 2019).
[1.3] Due to the normalcy of crossplay—dressing away from the cosplayer's usual gender presentation (Tompkins 2019) —in cosplay, trans and nonbinary people are able to more safely explore how they want to present themselves with a much-reduced fear of judgment than in many other scenarios. Most crossplayers self-report that their choice to crossplay is unrelated to gender expression (Nichols 2019; Tompkins 2019); however, those who use it to experiment with their presentation can experience a unique avenue for expression. Crossplay allows the cosplayer to be gendered differently than in everyday life, which creates space for them to be affirmed in that gender. Crossplay thus becomes a form of critique against hegemonic gender presentation, and with a lot of cosplay focusing on video games, this often becomes a specific critique of the cis-male-as-default perception of a significant part of the video game industry.
[1.4] Through critique, the space for experimenting with gender identity is opened up. Cosplayers can directly challenge and disrupt their physical attributes that comprise their gendered presentation through wearing and taking on clothing, makeup, accessories, affectations, and mannerisms of a character that does not match the cosplayer's usual gender presentation. Typically, this is part of an existing character from a game, although it can also be an original character that is meant to fit within the world of a game or game series. These fictional characters can shape the real-life body of the cosplayer (Leng 2013). For example, a feminine-presenting cosplayer might create an Astarion cosplay based on his look in Baldur's Gate 3 (2023); alternatively, they might create a costume of their original masculine-presenting character created in Baldur's Gate 3. In both cases, the cosplayer disrupts their hegemonically presupposed gender presentation to perform as a different gender, that is to say, how a person displays gendered attributes to alter their perceived presentation.
[1.5] The performance of this gender presentation lends itself to a look at what it means to perform and how gender can be interpreted as a performative act. The exposure—being viewed by an audience—of this presentation also leads to an assumption by those that see them of a gender identity that matches that presentation. This assumption is predicated on what the audience perceives the cosplayer's gender to be. Thus, the cosplayer can be gendered differently than they might be normally, which can lead to them feeling affirmed in an identity they otherwise do not perform. A trans person might identify as a gender that they cannot always have affirmed in everyday life (due to a transphobic family, peer group, or society), but they can be affirmed by cosplaying as a character. This is not to say that crossplay is always an attempt to be affirmed as an identity they cannot safely be visible as otherwise; however, it is notable that crossplay is an option for people to more safely experiment with gender presentation and identity. Typically, crossdressing/playing from feminine to masculine is more socially acceptable than masculine to feminine (Tompkins 2019); thus, we should also note that masculine-to-feminine crossplay is generally more acceptable than directly crossdressing in everyday scenarios. Leng (2013) mentions and makes evident that masculine-to-feminine crossplay works to subvert hegemonic concepts of gender.
[1.6] One notable way in which cosplay offers a safe avenue to experiment with gender presentation is by providing an excuse or reason for this experimentation, rather than directly crossdressing in everyday life. This safety is of particular importance for young people who are still living with family who may not be supportive of their gender identity. The purchase of gender-affirming clothing, makeup, or accessories is given a more easily digestible explanation and reduces the level of scrutiny on the cosplayer's experimentation. Anything purchased for cosplay can be repurposed to affirm the person's gender outside of cosplay activities. A chest binder, makeup, or more casual clothing can be worn outside of cosplay and contribute to a collection of gender-affirming items that might be difficult to explain otherwise.
2. Performance and performativity
[2.1] Judith Butler's (1988) "Performative Acts and Gender Constitution" offers an understanding of the performativity of gender as the construction of the identity presentations that are inhabited in a body. Cosplay, then, is a method of performing these presentations for oneself, yet primarily for the cosplayer’s external audience. The audience allows the cosplayer to be recognized as their character and their performance. The role of the audience is crucial, as their recognition of the cosplayer's identity as a character can either be affirming or dismissive. This affirmation is conditional on the audience and based on the quality of the performance (Lamerichs 2011). The cosplayer is able to transfer themselves into the character they are portraying. When a cosplayer plays a character, they are also playing a gender presentation, which allows them to extend beyond their current everyday presentation, and the mere look of a character, into the act of being the character.
[2.2] As a part of the performance, cosplay encourages its participants to learn the affectations and mannerisms of the character being portrayed. When the character is a different gender from the cosplayer, the cosplayer can learn the societal markers and characteristics of that gender, such as different ways of walking, moving, speaking, gesturing, and posing. At conventions, where cosplay is a common behavior, posing is particularly important for professional photoshoots and for taking pictures with strangers and other cosplayers. With the increasing popularity of short-form video content, these photos often turn into short video clips, which increase the cosplayer's incentive to adopt those particular mannerisms for more than a single frame. By developing a repertoire of behavior, the cosplayer can make future forays into different gender presentations outside of cosplay easier and more comfortable—there is a predeveloped familiarity with the sensation of different clothing types and accessories and an understanding of how to move through the world in a way that aligns believably with that presentation (if perhaps an over-the-top or exaggerated one).
[2.3] Performance itself is an exploratory medium. By trying to find the best way to perform as a character, the cosplayer simultaneously explores and discovers what works best for themselves as that character. This involves trying different clothes, wigs, or makeup in order to see what best captures the look of the character, and this can be an especially lengthy process for a video game character that has a look that is easy to create in a game and difficult to replicate in real life. The cosplayer is replicating a video game character-creation system by creating a physical cosplay of the character. This whole process becomes an exploration of its own, not only of finding a way to represent a video game character in real life but also of how presenting as that character feels. The cosplayer who experiments with different outfits and styles to emulate a character gets the chance to see how those look on their own body. Here, the cosplayer may find that a certain look makes them feel really good about themselves—explicitly in a gendered fashion—which is gender euphoria.
3. Exploration and euphoria
[3.1] The exploration of gender identity and presentation present in the terms of cosplay means that any person can find space for gender euphoria through the act of cosplaying. Laura Kate Dale's Gender Euphoria (2021) defines gender euphoria as "a powerful feeling of happiness experienced as a result of moving away from one's birth-assigned gender." While my focus is on non-cis people experimenting with gender through cosplay, any person, regardless of gender, can find affirmation, and thus gender euphoria, through cosplay. The explicit exploration offered by cosplay means that the cosplayer is afforded the space to try out as many different identities and presentations as they would like without the same fears that may be present in their everyday life (due to extenuating factors such as familial and societal pressures to be cis). The cosplayer in this case is an explorer searching for euphoria while utilizing their tools of exploration: clothes, wigs, accessories, makeup, affectations, and mannerisms. This exploration then takes place in the various concepts of gender that make up their preconceived notions of what gender identity and presentation mean to them.
[3.2] A person may begin their experience with cosplay without the explicit goal of exploring gender, but as they develop, and ultimately expose, their performance, affirmation and euphoria may develop unexpectedly. Within this framework, I was beginning to realize my gender identity was not as it had been assigned, and I was not yet clear on what that truly meant. Initially, I wanted to present myself as my favorite character, and as I began to do so, I came to understand more about my personal gender identity and preferred presentation. Years later, when I was more secure in my identity and able to socially transition, I already had an understanding of how I wanted to look, behave, and be seen. By experimenting through cosplay, I was able to attempt many forms of expression and learn what induced gender euphoria in my specific case.
[3.3] Experimenting with gender through cosplay can generate feelings of affirmation and euphoria through lessened effort and at minimal cost. These experiments are also reversible and malleable, which is particularly important for young people just beginning to understand how they wish to present themselves to the wider world. When interventions such as hormones or surgery are not yet available—or desired—cosplay, along with other types of gender performance, allows the cosplayer to test many styles and expressions without committing to any one presentation.
[3.4] The lack of a need for commitment to a particular gender presentation is relevant for both cosplay and video game character creation. In both cases, the (cos)player is creating a gendered presentation of a character and performing as that character. In virtual reality (VR), the player experiences embodiment as negotiated through (Kilteni et al. 2012). In a first-person VR game, this character becomes an avatar—a direct representation of the player. This avatar relates to the performativity of gender that is seen in crossplay. The avatar is gendered in the same manner that a real-life body is gendered—via affectations, mannerisms, and clothes (Henderson 2024). As video game crossplay is extremely popular (Leng 2013), it becomes an easier negotiation for the cosplayer to explore gender presentation when performing that same crossplay in a VR context.
[3.5] While euphoria is often experienced privately in response to presentation choices, recognition of intended performance in public can produce this euphoria as well. As noted by Leshner et al. (2024), cosplayers are active participants at in-person events such as conventions and fan meets, which increases group identification and results in greater well-being. Thus, euphoria is created by attending these events and being recognized both as the character and gender being performed. As a practice, cosplay is inherently a community effort, wherein cosplayers reach out to one another, scour forums, and frequent social media for tips and advice, hoping to receive affirmation when the development of their performance is complete (Lamerichs 2011). This external validation can work to affirm both the cosplayer's gender and the cosplay itself, further incentivizing the process. Social gender affirmation has a significant impact on the mental well-being of transgender people (Crosby et al. 2016; Hughto et al. 2020), and so by participating in community events where cosplay and crossplay are more widely accepted, trans people are offered an opportunity to seek out the social affirmation they may be denied elsewhere.
4. Conclusion
[4.1] Identity formation through cosplay allows trans people the space and opportunity to experiment and explore how they wish to present themselves. Cosplay is a performative act that interacts with the hegemonic concepts of gender, both complying with (Leng 2013; Tompkins 2019) and subverting (Leng 2013; Nichols 2019) gender presentation. The intertwining of the history of character creation in games and cosplay leads to a combined look at video game cosplay as a method of gender exploration. By examining the potential for gender euphoria in this form of cosplay, we can understand crossplay as a euphoria-generating performance for trans people. Our hope is that video game cosplay can be seen as a method and pathway for the exploration of gender through the performativity and performance of characters that do not match the cosplayer's assigned gender.
[4.2] My own experiences with cosplay guided me toward an understanding of my identity and granted me a unique medium in which to experiment and perform gender. As mentioned, much of my time as a cosplayer (primarily my high school years) was spent emulating men or attempting to figure out how to emulate them. This involved experimenting with makeup styles, sitting on my bathroom floor carefully cutting and styling wigs, and dressing up alone in my room practicing how to perform as each character. I would study their walks and expressions, their speaking tone, the way they stood—I was trying to become them, if only for a short moment, if only to make someone think I was someone other than myself. I reveled in the photoshoots most of all: After every convention, I would scroll through social media, look for pictures of myself that others had taken, and stare at them to try and improve my performance and to gauge how masculine I appeared. Over time, I changed my costumes, altered my wigs, and fine-tuned my makeup and gait. Through those adjustments, my performances improved and the enjoyment and euphoria I received from cosplaying increased. Through this process, I gained more understanding of my gender identity, began to become more comfortable presenting in a more masculine fashion, and enjoyed the social recognition I earned. By sharing this personal journey, I hope to provide further insight on how exactly cosplaying and crossplay can affect trans people and help them to build an identity. From curiosity and uncertainty to confidence and clarity, I was able to gain a better understanding of my gender identity and experience the euphoria of being recognized in a new way through cosplay.
[4.3] This look at gender performativity and euphoria through cosplay ultimately aims to create an understanding of cosplay as a gendered activity with room to play around. This playing at gender is essential to why cosplay matters and is crucial in regard to its connection to video game character creation. The cosplayer is afforded the opportunity to experiment in the same way a player is when creating an avatar. By embodying a character through a combination of mannerisms, affectations, clothes, accessories, and makeup, the (cos)player becomes the character. This becoming is the critical moment of discovery through euphoria, and thus cosplay has the potential to be the defining act for a person to recognize their transness.